When the Signal Clears

Tonight the chair came in with something he’d drawn up, an analogy comparing our spiritual connection to a radio signal. Things can interfere with it, the volume can get turned up or down, and he had us drawing comparisons between that and the Big Book and the program. We also had a newcomer with us tonight, so he opened it up for anyone to share something that might help point the newcomer toward that connection.

We sat quiet for a little while before I spoke up. I aimed most of what I said toward the newcomer, but I was still drawing on the signal analogy and listening to what others had shared. I started by explaining that my drinking took me to a very dark place, one that was crushing me and everything else I cared about. I’m lucky to have survived what I put myself through, and I consider myself lucky and blessed that I found the program in time, that I made a connection with a higher power in time to make a change.

I said I know my work isn’t done, by the simple fact that I woke up this morning. I’ve got to keep putting in the work and keep trying to help others. I was honest with everyone that lately I’ve had a lot of static going on, probably a combination of job hunting, soul searching, and staying aware of my character defects so they don’t pop up and take over after years of building them up while I was drinking.

But I said one thing I know for sure is that the rooms of AA, and talking with people in the program and the fellowship throughout my day, morning and night when I say my prayers, that’s when the signal clears. In sobriety, the hard things aren’t so hard anymore. And even on a rainy day like today, things still feel hopeful.