Wants to Run the Whole Show

Tonight was a newcomers meeting, and the chair had someone read from the Big Book, the passage on page sixty and sixty one about the actor who wants to run the whole show, forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. It’s the passage that leads into Step Three, about turning our will and our life over to the care of God. The chair asked if anyone wanted to share their experience, strength, and hope on it. I let a couple people go first, then I spoke up.

I related it to my day, because a couple hours before that meeting, I got let go from a job I really liked and cared about. First time that’s happened to me in sobriety, only the second time in my life. So it was sitting heavy on me walking in.

I said the steps and the tools I’ve learned have helped me plenty through sobriety itself, but what I’m realizing further along in recovery is that those same tools stay just as useful for everything else life throws at you. I told the room that thanks to those tools, I knew right away what I was supposed to do. Look at what I can do something about and what I can’t. The part I can’t, I put aside, pray about, and hand over to God. The part I can, like refreshing my resume and getting back out there looking, that’s mine to act on.

I’ve learned that I’m in charge of the action, and God’s got the results. So I take the action, keep moving forward, and trust that He’s still got work for me somewhere else, in a different place. Losing that job was a part I had to play, and I already know I gained something from it too, a new field I got to discover, some direction on where I want to go next.

I told them I still needed to call my sponsor and work with him, which I’d already done. He happened to be sitting right there in that meeting, and we talked afterward. Life is still going to happen the way it happens, whether you’re in recovery or not. What recovery gives you is the tools to handle it. Doesn’t matter if you’re a newcomer or years sober, those tools are still there to go back to, over and over, to keep making real progress instead of running in circles chasing your tail. No time for a pity party, that never helped anyone. What helps is figuring out what you can learn from it and using what you’ve been given to keep going.

That’s what I shared tonight, mostly for the newcomers in the room. Hoping they walk away knowing how useful these tools are, right from the start, and long after.