Tonight’s topic was recovery in general, one the chair opened by sharing a bit of his own experience before turning it over to the room. It’s a broad topic, but a good one, especially for newcomers still figuring out that this isn’t just about not drinking. A lot of people spoke up tonight who don’t always get the chance to, including one guy who said his sponsor’s been pushing him to share more, so he did. I was mostly in listening mode, glad to see people getting the floor. Then with about five minutes left, the chair called on me.
I started with my name, that I’m an alcoholic, and that recovery saved my life. If you look up “to drink is to die,” you’ll probably find a picture of me in a hospital bed right next to it. I was the epitome of that phrase.
When I first walked into these rooms, I didn’t have much faith in the program. I didn’t understand the work it actually took to make it work for you. I went in wanting to save my marriage and get some people off my back, nothing deeper than that. I didn’t work the steps seriously. I’d get thirty days, think I had it figured out, and go back out. That cycle repeated for a while, and things kept getting worse.
It wasn’t until I actually started working the steps, reading the book, and working with a sponsor that things started to change. It lasted longer. Then I had my last crash, a bad one, one that landed me in the hospital facing a serious situation. Getting through it meant raising money I didn’t have, and the people who stepped up were the people in these rooms. AA quite literally saved my life, not just through the program but through the people in it who barely knew me and gave anyway.
When I got out of the hospital, I kept doing the work, and that’s when my sponsor noticed I was stuck at step three and hadn’t made any progress on the fourth. He told me to come to his house. He sent his wife and kids out for the day, cooked lunch, and we sat down together. We prayed, we read the book, and we worked through my fourth step start to finish. Then we did the fifth. That day gave me the traction I needed to keep moving through the rest of the steps.
By the time I got through all of it and started working with others myself, recovery had become my whole life. Eventually I ended up working with people in recovery for a living, sponsoring, leading meetings. Stopping drinking was one thing. Getting my mind back, being able to think clearly, listen, and actually be present, that was a different kind of work entirely. Recovery gave me a second chance to get myself back.
It’s my daily routine now. It’s what my whole life is built around, because recovery is what gave me that second chance. I’m grateful for the fellowship, grateful for the program, grateful for the sponsors who have taken the time to work with me, grateful for the connection I have with my higher power, and grateful for one more day.
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