Tonight’s meeting had a really solid topic. The chair read from page sixty two, the paragraph about selfishness and self-centeredness being the root of our problems, then followed it with the first line of the next paragraph, the one about how we think our problems are of our own making. After that he asked something I don’t always hear, whether anyone was still within their first thirty days, and he opened it up. What advice would you give someone still in those first thirty days, still struggling.
A few people spoke, and then it was my turn. I started by going back to when I first walked into the rooms. My marriage had gotten rocky because my wife had seen that my drinking had become a problem. I couldn’t see it myself yet, but she did, and that’s really what got me in the door. Even after that, it took me time to actually grasp what the program was asking of me, and things with my marriage didn’t work out.
That’s where working with my sponsor comes in. One of the very first things he ever challenged me with was this. Every meeting, shake at least three hands and get at least three phone numbers. I was already slowly getting to know people, but that made it intentional. It felt strange at first, asking a stranger for their number, but most people are open to it, and sometimes they’ll offer before you even ask.
That habit is what got me connected. Those were the same people checking on me when I wasn’t showing up, the ones I could call before taking a drink, even if early on I wasn’t always brave enough to make that call. Over time I got better at using it. I remembered what I’d heard early on too, that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. So even after a relapse, I knew I was still welcome, still allowed to keep trying. But it was the connection with people that made that truth feel real instead of just something I’d heard. I wasn’t going to be shamed for coming back with a new desire chip. People were rooting for me, and I could tell.
So tonight I passed along three things. Get the three numbers, shake the three hands. Choose a sponsor early, even a temporary one while you figure out who’s the right fit. And last, put sobriety first. Not the marriage, not the job, not the car, none of that works out if you chase it before the sobriety itself. Get down to the root of who you really are underneath everything, and those other things start falling into place. Anything you put ahead of sobriety, you’ll likely lose. Sobriety has to come first.
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